Dear Dumb Diary Series

Dumbness is a Dish Best Served Cold

Life at Mackerel Middle School is as dumb as ever -- but Jamie Kelly may have finally found the key to fame, fortune, and fabulousness. Together with Isabella and Angeline, she's come up with a moneymaking idea, and it has to do with food. Everyone likes food! They're going to be rich!

The only problem? They have to come up with something that people actually want to eat.

Jamie has some sophisticated thoughts on food, like, "She was manipulating us like dough. Like the sweet, delicious dough that we are. And she was baking us into the type of delicious cookies you can only get from dough like us. And she was putting sprinkles of us on top of us, and -- forget it. I'm hungry. I want some cookies."

This is sure to go well.

Dear Dumb Diary Series

Dear Dumb Diary #3: Am I the Princess or the Frog

Jamie is crushing on Hudson. Someone too-gross-to-be- named is crushing on Jamie. And Hudson is crushing on . . . Princess Turd of Turdsylvania (a.k.a. The Prettiest Girl in the World).

Middle school may be grim, but it's no fairy tale. And crazy doesn't even begin to cover it.

Dear Dumb Diary Series

Dear Dumb Diary #4: Never Do Anything, Ever

Her best friend's a backstabber. Her worst enemy is a sweetheart. And her dog is just waiting for the right moment to seek his revenge. Why should Jamie even bother going to school? Why not? After a run-in with Mega-Popular Angeline, aka Pure Evil, Jamie reforms her selfish ways & becomes the decent human being she never thought she could be. But she quickly realizes that helping others kind of stinks. Is someone trying to thwart her attempts at irresistible inner beauty? Or will Jamie finally achieve the "I'm an angel" glow she knows will make Hudson Rivers fall madly in love w/ her?

Dear Dumb Diary Series

Dear Dumb Diary #5: Can Adults Become Human

Dear Dumb Diary,

My social studies teacher, Mr. VanDoy, never smiles. I know that's hard to believe, because everybody smiles about something, right?

Isabella smiles when her brothers get in trouble. Angeline smiles when she thinks about how much prettier she is than, like, a waterfall or a unicorn. I smile when I think about a unicorn kicking Angeline over a waterfall. But Mr. VanDoy doesn't smile at all. I wonder if when you become an adult, you can lose your sense of humor the way you lose your teeth or hair or fashion sense.

Dear Dumb Diary Series

Dear Dumb Diary #6: The Problem With Here Is That It's Where I'm From

There's a new girl in at Mackerel Middle School.

Colette is friendly, fabulous, smart, totally talented, and an all-around amazing individual. She is more brilliantly diabolical than Isabella, as blindly loyal as Stinker, and even harder-to-resist than Angeline. It's enough to make Jamie throw up a little. And Jamie just can't help but wonder: Is it humanly possible for a girl to be more perfectly perfect than the most perfect girl in the world?

Dear Dumb Diary Series

Dear Dumb Diary #7: Never Underestimate Your Dumbness

Dear Dumb Diary,

Isabella is probably right. She almost always is. When I think back on all the things I've seen Angeline do, the one thing they have in common is that they're all dumb. (They're all strawberry-scented, too, but I think that's just her conditioner -- although her body might actually secrete its own strawberry scent.)

But of all the dumb things she's ever done, this has got to be the dumbest.

Dear Dumb Diary Series

Dear Dumb Diary #8: It's Not My Fault I Know Everything

Dear Dumb Diary,

I went back and read some of my very oldest diaries. The entries say things like "I eated salad dressing" and "I got a Barbie shoe stuck in Stinker's nose again" and "The vet was mean to me about the Barbie shoe so I tried to bite him but vets are quick at not getting bit because dogs try all the time but dogs don't usually kick so I did that."

What amazed me was just how dumb I used to be, considering how smart I am now. There must have been a day when I just woke up smart.

Dear Dumb Diary Series

Dear Dumb Diary #9: That's What Friends Aren't For

Dear Dumb Diary,

So now I'm friends with Angeline. This is automatic friendship, and I have to just accept it and make the best of things.

See, if I objected, then Aunt Carol might divorce Angeline's uncle, sending both of them tumbling into a deep pit of depression for the rest of their lives, and Angeline could wind up feeling so guilty that she would have to go be locked up in an old dirty insane asylum for years and years, and Stinker's puppies could grow up not knowing both their parents --- and I couldn't live with myself for doing something like that to a puppy.

Dear Dumb Diary Series

Dear Dumb Diary #10: The Worst Things in Life Are Also Free

School's out for the summer, and that means no more Meat Loaf Thursdays, Sunday homework-cramming, or teachers (way way unsuccessfully) trying to act cool. It also means that certain Mackerel Middle Schoolers have a lot of time on their hands . . . and seriously empty pockets.

Isabella is going to change all that. And Jamie and Angeline are going to help --- whether they like it or not. It's the best kind of teamwork: When a whole bunch of people work together to do something wrong, instead of doing it wrong one at a time.

Dear Dumb Diary Series

Dear Dumb Diary #11: Okay, So Maybe I Do Have Superpowers

Something strange is happening at Mackerel Middle School. Even stranger than Jamie and Isabella becoming friends with Angeline. (Which is still really, really strange.) Jamie can suddenly and inexplicably understand the weirdest and most mysterious creatures around: Boys.

And there's only one logical explanation --- superpowers.

Dear Dumb Diary Series

Dear Dumb Diary #12: Me! (Just Like You, Only Better)

Dear Dumb Diary,

A long time ago, I wrote a letter to the president about the space program and how it would be a good idea for ME to select the people who should be shot into space.

I made a lot of very good points about who should be selected, such as weight, ease of stuffing into a bag and tossing into a rocket, unnatural blondness of hair, and how much happier our Earth would be as a result.

I was much younger when I wrote it, and I understand that my ideas would not have been seriously considered.

But that was six months ago, and now I think I am qualified to choose.

Dear Dumb Diary Year Two Series

Dear Dumb Diary Year Two #1: School. Hasn't This Gone on Long Enough?

Dear Dumb Diary is a hilarious hit! Now after 12 books (each covering a month of her life), Jamie Kelly's upcoming diaries have a fresh look and a fun twist. It's Dear Dumb Diary: Year Two! The diary entries are still laugh-out-loud funny -- but this is a whole new beginning. Everything is another year dumber!

As Jamie grapples with school, grades, and middle school's Big Questions, don't miss even more of her words of wisdom like, "If someone is really, really intelligent, it would be polite if they would ugly it up a bit before they left the house."

(Jamie STILL has no idea that anybody is reading her diary. So please, please, please don't tell her.)

Dear Dumb Diary Year Two Series

Dear Dumb Diary Year Two #2: The Super-Nice are Super-Annoying

"Sometimes it amazes me how ingenious I am about everything." --Jamie Kelly

We've been with Jamie Kelly through her search for inner beauty, poofy bridesmaid dresses, and desperate attempts to make money during summer vacation. Along the way, she's left us with countless gems of wisdom, such as: "If somebody ever asks you to kick her in the face, the first thing she will do is forget that she asked you to do it," and "As long as you keep laughing at how dumb something is, you can secretly enjoy it without risking your cool."

Now Jamie's upcoming diaries have a fresh look and a fun twist. It's Dear Dumb Diary: Year Two! The diary entries are still laugh-out-loud funny -- but this is a whole new beginning. Everything is another year dumber!

(But Jamie STILL has no idea that anybody is reading her diary. So please, please, please don't tell her.)

Dear Dumb Diary Year Two Series

Dear Dumb Diary Year Two #3: Nobody's Perfect. I'm As Close As It Gets.

The bestselling Dear Dumb Diary series is a hilarious hit! Now Jamie Kelly's diaries have a fresh look and a fun twist. Dear Dumb Diary Year Two is still laugh-out-loud funny -- but everything is another year dumber!

As Jamie continues to grapple with middle school's Big Questions, she drops even more snarky gems of wisdom like, "Everybody knows that the more you love somebody, the less you try to look nice for them," and "People don't appreciate how much willpower it takes to do the wrong thing."

(But Jamie STILL has no idea that anybody is reading her diary. So please, please, please don't tell her.)

Dear Dumb Diary Year Two Series

Dear Dumb Diary Year Two #4: What I Don't Know Might Hurt Me

Dear Dumb Diary,

Just when I was pretty sure we could let the Student Awareness Committee quietly die a dignified death like some majestic old elephant or the Square Dancing Club, Angeline has to be aware of something. Great.

And, of course, it couldn't be something interesting like nail polish or why maybe there should be a special class in nail polish and how to get it out of your beagle's ear. (Mom, if you're reading this, I'm not admitting anything. Somebody else could have painted a heart in his ear.)

Angeline just had to be aware of one of those THINGS THAT ADULTS LIKE.

Dear Dumb Diary Year Two Series

Dear Dumb Diary Year Two #5: You Can Bet On That

Jamie, Isabella, and Angeline have known each other for a long time. They've even become friends -- whether Jamie likes it or not. But when the trio starts a friendly competition, all bets are off. The loser will be treated to a game of Dare or Worse Dare... with Isabella. (And Jamie's pretty sure that's like having a banana-peeling contest with a starving monkey. The monkey always wins.)

What could go wrong? Probably everything. And it's probably all that blondwad Angeline's fault. Probably.

Jamie still has no idea that anyone is reading her diary, so please, please, please don't tell her. And definitely don't tell her that she's the star of her very own Dear Dumb Diary movie, available on DVD. (Her glamorous ego might not be able to handle it.)

Dear Dumb Diary Year Two Series

Dear Dumb Diary Year Two #6: Live Each Day to the Dumbest

It's not easy being a middle-schooler, and nobody knows that better than Jamie Kelly. There are surprises around every corner: some good, some bad, all dumb. But when Jamie inherits a trunk of her grandmother's things, she never expects to find the biggest surprise of all -- Grandma's diary.

Violating the privacy of a diary is something Jamie would never do . . . unless she was absolutely certain that she wanted to do it.

And when she does, she learns that, deep down, everyone is exactly the same. Dumb.

Jamie still has no idea that anyone is reading her diary, so please, please, please don't tell her. And definitely don't tell her that she's the star of her very own Dear Dumb Diary movie, available on DVD. (Her glamorous ego might not be able to handle it.)